Bitter Strawberries
by pumpkinlight
Summary: Beyond Birthday is after L Lawliet. L Lawliet is after Beyond Birthday, but he never did listen to his heart. One-shot. Spoilers.


**I wrote this while listening to First Day of My Life by Bright Eyes. I'm not really sure where it came from since it doesn't really seem to relate a lot. Anyway.**

**When/where the story set is a bit odd, since I'm assuming it's after the Kira case, but L isn't dead… xD**

**Anyway, this is dedicated to Tashi. I feel like dedicating my stories to someone gives them a little extra purpose. **

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**_Bitter Strawberries_**

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The sun had just begun to sink as I looked out across the rows of beautiful strawberries growing in clusters upon small green plants.

I bent down, and plucked one of the small red fruits. I straightened up (well, as much as one does when slouching), and rolled the strawberry in between my thumb and forefinger, examining the tiny yellow seeds and the shiny red skin of the plump fruit.

"Don't you just love strawberries, my Lawli?" I heard an eerily familiar voice, floating through the air. I didn't look up, but continued to focus on the fruit in my hand.

"What are you doing here, Beyond?" I asked quietly.

"There are strawberries here. And my Lawli. Why shouldn't I be here?"

I raised the strawberry to my lips; I bit into the soft red flesh, the sweet taste filling my mouth and staining my pale lips.

"Where have you been?"

"Busy." He chuckled, red eyes glinting mischievously.

"I don't want to know, Beyond." I sighed wearily.

"Why not? Pay attention to me. You're _mine_ after all." He whined.

"You don't own me Beyond."

I turned away, and started to reach for another strawberry; the sweetest thing I could have right now. As I reached for the fruit I felt a body crash into my side, and I tumbled over onto my back, crushing my precious strawberry plants. I began to sit up, but I was pinned down again by the insane man that had the gumption to squash my strawberries. I looked up into the beautiful dark red eyes shimmering above me. But you only had to know what they could see, to have your heart thrown into the icy grip of fear.

"Are you okay, my Lawli?"

I glared at him, as I felt the strawberry juice soak into the back of my white shirt.

"You made me crush my strawberries Beyond. That makes me unhappy."

"Oh? But in strawberry jam, the strawberries can be crushed. So is that not such a bad thing? But I'm sorry I hurt your little children Lawli." He snickered, grinning wickedly.

Beyond clambered off me and crouched down in between the plants opposite me. I pulled myself into a sitting position and glared at him. His pale lips curved up into a smile and he leant over towards me. I shivered as he placed a cool hand on my cheek, his fingers curling possessively. "I missed you Lawli-pop."

I looked away, my eyes moistening. "I don't know if I can say the same for you."

"I know you're lying, Lawli." He smiled, but then it turned slowly into a frown.

"But why? Why do you lie to me?" He whispered, pulling back and looking down at his feet.

He dipped his head forlornly, and I had to resist with every fibre of my being to wrap my arms around him and hug him close. He gazed at me questioningly with those ruby red eyes. The ruby red eyes the same colour of blood; the blood of the victims of Beyond Birthday. How could that ever be forgotten?

"I am a detective. You are a murderer. _We_; just can't be." I remarked, my face blank and expressionless, but my heart ticked like a clock in my chest. I could feel the feelings bubbling up inside of me; tears threatening to burst forth.

"Don't say that Lawli. Don't." He whispered, crouching down on the ground and hugging his knees.

"It wasn't my entire fault, Lawli. You are to blame as well." He whispered, running his tongue over his lips. "All I wanted was to be as good as you. At first I wanted to be you. I dressed like you, acted like you, tried to be as good as you and now I've come accustomed to it. But the thing was it was always just copying." He shifted slightly from his position on the ground. His eyes were looking at me, but it felt more like they were looking right through me; to the world beyond the haven of strawberry fields.

"Nothing was ever good enough at Wammy's. Poor After All. He couldn't handle it. I had to watch him die, you know. Watch his life slip away, just out of my grasp. I was just a little too late to **help** him, just a little too late to **stop** him, and just a little too late to **save** him. I was always just a little too late, always just not quite good enough**.** After's death pushed me over the edge. I loved you, but A lost himself because of your methods. I couldn't be as good as you staying at Wammy's. I would never be able to be like you. I didn't want to be a clone, even though I had previously tried. So I left. And I wanted to surpass you."

He laughed hysterically, throwing his head back as the bitter sound escaped his lips; it sent a shiver of electricity through my spine.

"I wanted to beat you, because, I wanted you to be proud. In the end, I gave that up. I just wanted to beat you. **I wanted you to know how it felt to lose, how it felt to fall short of the very thing that you lived for**. It became my obsession, my purpose. After all, isn't every child's dream to become as good as their idol? But I knew I could do better. That Misora woman though, she ruined it all. She doesn't even appreciate sweets." The fiery depths blazed within his eyes at the memory.

"You took lives Beyond, innocent lives. They had the right to live. And the way you did it… It was appalling."

"I'm a **real** murderer. Okay? I'm not one of those cowards who shoot a gun. Killing is easy for me. I can treat it like an experiment. I can think it through, design it, plan it, I carry it out. Or I can just improvise. My kills can be works of art, puzzles. So intricate, complex, like a maze you'll never escape." He spat, malice heavy in his tone.

"But B… we just can't be together." I whispered, unable to stop the moisture from penetrating my eyes.

"That doesn't sound like you at all, L Lawliet."

His eyes fixed me with a blank stare that unnerved me, but I could not look away from the glittering red orbs. "You're not the most innocent person either L. All those choices you made, maybe they were the best, but people died because of them. You sacrificed those lives. They could've been saved, L. Me? Well the people I killed couldn't have been saved. Their time was up, because nobody escapes me." He hissed through his teeth, his ruby eyes flashing with anger.

His eyes rested on the ground for a minute, then flickered to one of the strawberry plants. Shinigami eyes searched the bush for the perfect specimen. He reached out, his hand shaking slightly as he plucked it from the bush, holding it between his thumb and forefinger.

He carefully placed the little gleaming fruit on the soft grass in front of me, pale fingers hovering above it for a moment before withdrawing.

"So for everything Lawli; I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I was just never good enough. I was never good enough for this world, never good enough for Wammy's, and never good enough for you_. I'm sorry."_

He stood up, and turned away. I watched as Beyond Birthday walked away, off into the sunset; my vision blurring as he became nothing more than a speck on the horizon. And as I let the tears fall, I reached out with a trembling hand and plucked the strawberry from the ground. I bit into it to soothe my pain with its sweetness, only to find that it tasted bitter; of tears and loss of a loved one.

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**Thank you for reading. :3**

**All reviews are appreciated.**


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